The Brutal Arena
by Floyd Looney
The flood-gates opened and two dozen men in suits and ties entered the arena, tens of thousands in the crowd chanting for blood. Weapons were thrown down at random places into the sand and the men ran for them, desperately trying not be the ones killed by the others.
Chainsaws, swords, spears and maces were being swung and thrown by untrained hands. The crowd laughs when one of the men cuts his own leg with the chainsaw. The others pounce to finish him off before backing off before they become the next target.
There can only be one. All of these men were desperate enough to enter the contest, not all of them were confident and this was a weakness. Three of the men traded looks and nods and then took off, surrounded the oldest one before slashing and stabbing him to death.
“Leadership and cooperation on display there!” the announcer told the crowd that wasn't listening, too much orgasmic hot blood was pounding in their ears. Finally there were just two left alive in the arena, facing each other, their chests heaving for air, blood all over them but little of it was their own. One did have a limp from spraining an ankle during combat though.
“.... and now we reach the run-off!” the announcer said. The man with the injured leg knew what this meant, it meant he had no hope of winning this contest. A gate on one end of the arena opened up and several angry elephants entered, running, their tusks had been sharpened for this event.
“Run!” the injured man said “Save yourself, you are the only hope left!”
The other man balked for a moment, but he knew the other was correct. So he turned, threw down the spear he was holding and ran for all he was worth. The elephants didn't even slow down for the injured man, squashing him like a bug in the process. The gate on the other end of the arena opened and the elephants all entered instead of being locked in with the final man.
The lights came on, music blared. It was “Hail to the Chief!”
“Congratulations on winning the Presidency, Mr. Smith!” the announcer said “Mr. Jonathon Smith, the next President of the United States! Give him a big round of applause”