It was a tour of a lifetime. I got to visit the Executive Mansion in all of its magnificent splendor! Getting through the tall iron gate was surprisingly easy in an era of massive concrete barricades and sniper towers. Getting inside the main entrance was not so easy; I won't need a prostate exam any time soon. At least they provided us water bottles with the national seal on them.
All the discomfort was forgotten when I saw the historical architecture and the artwork adorning its walls. The whole tour group stood in awe looking at the paintings, like George Washington crossing the Delaware, the ships of Christopher Columbus on the sea, a Revolutionary War naval engagement made be catch my breath.
I got to looking around and lost my tour group. I was afraid of being kicked out, I'm sure its against the rules not to be with the group. I just walked around like I belonged there as I discreetly searched for my group. The Secret Service agents with their mirrored sunglasses must certainly have been watching me closely, it was only a matter of time until I would be escorted off these auspicious grounds.
Suddenly I was surrounded by people in suits and others and pushed against my desire into an adjoining room. Everyone lined up single file, I turned to leave but the door was slammed shut by guards with sub-machine guns slung over their shoulders. Everyone looked very serious and I had a bad feeling.
Then the door on the other side opened up and he entered. I was more than a bit surprised to see him person. The most powerful man in the world, leader of the formerly free world was standing in the room with me. I was out of place and scared but I could appreciate the chance of being part of history.
Except I couldn't stand still. I was sweating in the cool room, I was getting nervous and glancing around like a shifty person. The secret service agents and others kept looking in my direction, I must have looked like someone who couldn't be trusted.
I really had to take a leak!
“You okay, kid?” an older man in a suit and tie next to me asked in a whisper.
I had to get out of there. I did not belong there. I had to leave before I pissed my pants in public and in front of the leader of my country.
“I want to just get down to business” he said after getting in front of the oddly-placed podium, a small TelePrompTer on the rostrum fed his prepared words directly into his eyes. “What we have seen this week with the organized demonstrations across this country are an ugly thing. They make this country look bad to the rest of the world, as if we can't discuss and decide things through the process. The process is necessary, if we do not follow the process, can we really say we are free?”
Everyone else seemed to nod, but I didn't know what they agreed with in that pile of dung.
“Let me be clear. If you have a gripe tell it to your boss, discuss it at the neighborhood circle, militia leader or even write a letter to your representative. If your concerns are valid you won't be detained for thoughts against the state” he said, which everyone knew was a lie.
I was sure I was going to be killed. Would they drag me outside first? I would leave a trail of yellow liquid the whole way. A small wry grin was on my face at the thought before I realized it and frowned like most do.
“I also want to acknowledge that it has become necessary to raise the work quotas in this country” he put a hand up, palm out “Times are tough, it is not something I want to do. It will be necessary for everyone to collect more tin, rubber and aluminum for recycling, as well as -before this fiscal year ends, for every adult to bring 500 New Currency units to their National Work Site. The country needs you! Work harder! Sacrifice! Keep an eye on your friends, neighbors and family to make sure they comply without complaint!”
I turned in a circle, the guards were still there with their guns in their hands blocking the door. I just could not hold it in any more.
“Piss!” I screamed, the official press representatives gasped, some ducked for cover. “I have to pee! Now! Open the door! Let me go!”
The Emperor pointed “Detain that man!”
The guards rushed forward and grabbed me by the underarms, but I could just reach my fly and relieve myself all over the Persian rug and mahogany table. As they pulled me out of the room I tried my hardest to hit the Emperor but it wouldn't reach. I didn't care I was smiling and laughing all the way to the portico were I was sure to be executed. It would never be reported anywhere of course.
New Arrivals is an ebook I wrote and is for sale.