Funeral for a Redshirt
"While I hardly knew Private Arlan Danielson, he did pass through the Security Course at the Starfleet Academy Annex in Jersey rather quickly." He said in a rather loud voice to catch the attention of those who bothered to attend. "He scored high in Soong Kwon-do, the highest of his graduating class at that. I am sure he would see some irony of being killed by getting hit in the face with an Elbonian elbow while trying to break up a fight during shore leave."
"While on-board this ship I have received no reports of misconduct or any news at all about him. He always did what was required and he did it promptly. Private Arlene Deckerhand will be missed, he was a credit to this crew."
"Arlan Danielson." someone corrected
"Right. The only other mission I was on with him was when he accidentally became a god to the Minesians. Fortunately we got away with no deaths, mostly because that species is a foot tall and are all amnesiacs." He saw that the attendees were looking back at the cake with anticipation and wanted to get this over with.
"Right, to end this. I ask you all to at least remember the name Andies Bickerstaff..."
"Otherwise, nobody will. Thank you."